It’s 4pm and you still haven’t touched that strategic project due Friday. Why? Because you’ve spent the day answering questions your team should be answering themselves. You have smart, capable people, but somehow you’ve become the bottleneck for every decision. Here’s the hard truth: you created this problem.

You’ve become a rescuer. Unknowingly, you’ve created your own bottleneck from dozens and dozens of previous interactions. You certainly had the best of intentions, but every time you answered a question instead of teaching your employees how to make the right decision, you reinforced the idea that the way for them to solve problems is to ask you to solve problems for them.

The good news is that there’s never a wrong time to reverse the process. You can stop rescuing and start coaching at any time. I’d recommend that you explain to people what you’re doing, and why, and then immediately start reversing the process.

But first, you need to understand what you’re changing. What’s the difference between a rescuer and a coach? A rescuer solves problems. A coach builds problem solvers. It sounds simple, but in the heat of the day, it’s usually a lot faster and easier to simply answer someone’s question than to sit down and teach them how to answer their own question.

So how do you make the switch? Start soft. You don’t want to immediately cut people off once you realize you’ve been rescuing. You can push back gently by simply asking what has been done up to now and what has worked and what hasn’t. Maybe even start with heavily loaded questions like “have you read the documentation on the official website about the feature?” You can eventually work up to “what have you tried so far, what has worked and what hasn’t, what options are still available?” More open ended, less direct.

Here’s what this might look like in practice. An employee comes to you and says “the customer is asking for a refund because the shipment was delayed. Should we give it to them?”

Old rescuer response would be “yes, approve it.”

New coach response might be “what does our refund policy say about shipping delays? Have you looked at how we handled similar situations in the past quarter?”

Notice you’re not leaving them hanging. You’re pointing them toward the resources and thinking process they need.

Now, if you’re still finding yourself slipping back into rescue mode despite your best efforts, here’s the nuclear option my coach gave me when I was struggling with this exact transition. He told me that once I got a question from someone on my team, “you’re not allowed to make a statement.” What he was telling me was, at this point, I had to communicate entirely by questioning.

Sometimes the extreme measure is what’s needed, but believe me, people will notice and will probably ask questions and talk amongst themselves wondering what’s going on. I once had a direct report tell me that they knew that I knew the answer and were frustrated that I just wouldn’t give it to them. That frustration is actually a good sign. It means they’re starting to recognize the pattern you’re breaking.

If you find yourself frustrated that you don’t have time to work on higher order work because you’re constantly bombarded by questions from your team, maybe pause and reflect on how you created this reality. Have you become a rescuer?

The choice is yours. Keep rescuing and stay trapped, or start coaching and finally free up your calendar for the work that actually matters. Your team is capable of more than you’re letting them do.